Yesterday around noon I felt it coming on again.That "crashy fog" spreading across my brain like mayonnaise. By the time I realized that it had been three times of me putting water on to boil for pasta, forgetting about it, coming back and having to refill the water and again wait for it to boil, my roommate took over and told me to go sit down. We laughed about it, as we do. But I also felt shaky and weak. So, after the pasta and sauce was made, I ate some for lunch. At this point my caloric intake was reasonable, about 1000 by 2pm. I decided to take a nap, thinking some rest would help. And it did, but I woke ravenous. I'm pretty sure that by 8pm my total had reached around 2800 calories, between the extra serving of pasta and the 5 slices of homemade bread. And, I did not have the energy to walk.
So, I'm choosing to not weigh myself until tomorrow, to give me the chance to refocus and remind myself why I'm taking this long healthful.
I want to feel better. I'm tired of feeling ill all the time. Yes, Fibromyalgia plays it's part. However, I'm fairly certain that all this extra weight plays the lion's share. Without all this extra weight, my joints will hurt less, my energy level will be increased, my breathing will be easier, and my self esteem will be much improved. With the exercise I can increase my stamina and overall strength, letting me do more for myself, and for others. Without all this "unhealth", I could "be there" for all the people I care about, including myself.
I want to be healthy. I want to be strong, well, fit and energized. And I'd like to get there as naturally as possible. So, a good balance of nutrition and exercise is the proper way to go. But I'm going to need help if I'm to concur these impulses that hit so hard when I'm at my weakest. It is time to have a heart-to-heart with myself, my husband and our roommate.